Things I Learned From Classic Literature
Classical literature is worthwhile reading for many reasons -- great stories,
commentary on culture, commentary on the human condition, foundations of
culture, meaningful lessons.
Here are some things I have learned from classical literature.
- The Aeneid
No need to worry if your home is destroyed and your wife killed by an
invading army. There's a queen waiting 'round the corner to make you king,
be your snuggle-love-bunny, and make everything all better.
- Don Quixote
It can really suck to have a reputation among your classmates as an avid
reader if your 8th grade Spanish teacher uses this book in a lesson about
A near-future Middle East war can be presciently hidden in a science fiction
When traveling, be sensitive to differences in cultures and folk customs.
Such differences can cause serious trouble and be the death of you, if you
- Foucalt's Pendulum
Inventing fictional paranoid lunatics will only serve to anger real-life
- Great Expectations
Titular-based hopes can lead to Great Disappointments.
The ancient Greeks were the first to know the thrill of victory, Theogony of
- The Iliad
- Even if you are king, there are some people whose slavegirls you
just shouldn't steal.
- If your mother is a sea goddess, you can get some seriously cool sparklies.
- The Inferno
Don't get a poet mad at you or you might end up as a dung-dwelling denizen of
- Jane Eyre
Keeping secrets from your beloved only leads to despair, disaster, and
- Les Miserables
Don't steal bread from a Frenchman.
- If you kill a king to usurp a throne, make sure you dispose of the heirs.
- When dealing with seers, read the fine print.
- Moby Dick
An obsession with getting a big Dick can be very troublesome, perhaps even
leading to fatal consequences.
- Name of the Rose
Some killjoys take their roles much more seriously than others.
- The Odyssey
It is a bad idea to come to the attention of the deathless gods.
It is a really bad idea to work for one who has come to the
attention of the deathless gods.
- Pride and Prejudice
Snide and snarky wins a culturally desirable husband.
- Starship Troopers
Politics can be really detrimental to a good shoot-em-up.
- Titus Andronicus
You can't have your kids and eat them too.
With enough spices and a sharp knife, a butcher can make you think tripe is
To forestall the inevitable question, yes I have read most of these.
Text copyright 2007 by Wayne Morrison, all rights reserved.