Final Thoughts of the Night, 2025

Each night, shortly before going to sleep, I tell my wife a Final Thought. These may be funny, they are sometimes dumb, they may be vaguely story-like, they may be pseudo-philosophical and intelligent-sounding, they may be almost mythic from a spur-of-the-moment mythos. The topics have spanned a wide range of subjects: animals, steampunk, food, technology. Anything that pops into mind is fair game. The full story is at the bottom.

February, 2025 250203If a smell ever brings about a wistful longing, you have just experienced nosetalgia. 250202Sometimes I feel like running away from home. If I ever decide to, I hope you will come with me. 250201At the excellent Genticorum concert tonight, I noticed a lot of people nodding along to the music. Not quite at the headbanging intensity, but those heads were jamming away. I was too, but I found that I wasn't doing it right. Everyone else was nodding their heads up and down, but I was wagging mine from side to side. What's wrong with me? Why can't I even do something simple like folk-headbanging my head correctly?

January, 2025 250131Viking hospices had weapons they would give the warrior patients in their final moments. The nurses were also armed and armored so they could tend the patients in their final moments. 250130In "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", we learn that Papa Bear and Mama Bear deal in extremes. Everything about Papa Bear is too extreme in one direction, while everything about Mama Bear is too extreme in the other. Baby Bear, however, is right in the middle, where everything is juuust right. We also learn that anything that works for Baby Bear is perfect for Goldilocks. This implies that Baby Bear and Goldilocks are evenly matched. I'd like to test this by throwing the two in a ring and letting them fight it out. 250129The only fractions that have any respect are the half, the third, and the quarter. Those all have strength and substance to their names. The smaller fractions have weak, insipid names. Fifth, eighth, fourteenth, hundredth. Any fraction that ends in "-th" is inherently weak, and is looked down on by the rest of the numeric community. The boundary is clearly the 1/4 fraction. It can be the good, strong quarter; or it can be the weak, uninspiring fourth. The proper choice all depends on what kind of impression the fraction should be sending in any particular situation. 250128If I am ever called upon to name a warship, I think I'll name it "First Contact With The Enemy". It will be the best warship ever, since nothing survives First Contact With The Enemy. 250126We are all immigrants to the Kingdom of Heaven. If God welcomes everyone, then how can we bar the gates to our petty Earthly kingdoms? 250125The best easy-listening music to be heard in the oceans, is the bubbly music of Lawrence Whelk. Don't clam up and be shellfish; share it with your friends. 250124In the olden times, there was a group of Scandinavian seers, who were consulted to foretell the future, interpret natural portents of doom, and bring light-hearted entertainment to children. This group was known as Omenschanz. 250123All numbers become irrational when calculating potential casualties. 250122I heard some young whippersnappers talking and I found myself hating their slang. I am an old man. 250121sudoscience is the science of modifying the basic laws of the universe so that the universe acts as you want it to behave. 250120It is becoming a popular service for grocery stores to do the shopping for customers. The customers send a shopping list to the store, the order is filled, then the customer drives in and picks up the order. The big problem with this is that it knocks out the possibility of impulse purchases -- the customer gets only what they specifically request. Customers should be able to specify a price limit for impulse purchases and let the store employee filling the order get a few things at random that don't exceed that price. The customer gets a few unplanned, spontaneous purchases that add a bit of excitement to the shopping, and the store sells a few more products. It's a winning situation for everyone. 250119I wish that dish soap was edible. Not just edible, but that it was nutritious, and it came in different flavors and spicings. Soap left on dishes could enhance future meals, rather than bringing unpleasant tastes as current soap does. So much water could be saved if people weren't concerned about washing every bit of soap off their dishes. 250118As I was in post-op recovery, the nurse started telling me to breath deeply. She handed me an "incentive spirometer" to measure my breathing. It was labelled from 0 to 2500 units, with the target arrow pointing at the 125 mark. On my first attempt, I hit 2250. On my second attempt, I maxed the incentive spirometer out to 2500. The nurse told me once more to keep up the good breathing, and then she stopped bothering me about it. I don't think that "stopping the nurse's harassment" is a strong enough incentive to warrant that label. 250117It's hard to know if something is wrong in a basement because basements were designed for unexplained noises and odd things. 250116The English word that most looks like it should be Welsh is "newlywed". 250114Q: What is the favorite fashion brand of whales?
A: BaleenciagaNewlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250113Soldiers in the same unit develop close, platoonic friendships.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250112In the business, a fake allergist is known as a phlegm-phlagm man.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250111Q: What is a ballerina's favorite guitar technique?
A: Barre chords.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250110The makers of alphabet soup only include the letters A through L and N through Z because they only want the real thing and not any M-pastas.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250109Q: What is the most grateful tree of all?
A: The Thank Yew.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250108When I was young my father taught me the importance and power of choosing the right word. We were talking about the recordings of some particular musician -- I don't remember who -- and I talked about Greatest Hits albums as being the same as Best Of albums. My father pointed out that they weren't the same thing, and he explained how each is (or should be) actually used. This set me on the road to paying attention to word definitions, implications, and uses. 250107Hockey is my new favorite sport. I absolutely love that when someone does something wrong, they are sent to the Time-Out Corner so they can Think About What They Have Done. 250106Every time a letter is mailed, it immediately becomes part of the past. Even if the letter is talking about the future, it is really talking about a prediction of the future that was made in the past. There is nothing current or subsequent involved; letters are all from the past. For this reason, the Post Office should really be called the Past Office. 250105I always had a lot of trouble eating Chinese food. I just couldn't manage eating with the traditional utensils. Then I discovered that I was supposed to be using chopsticks, not chapsticks. 250104Most cannibals get their start by eating the skin from the top of pudding. 250103When I was young, I thought that the Yellow Brick Road in Oz was made of solid gold bricks. This led to many questions. How many pounds of gold did it take to build the whole road? Where did all that gold come from? Did the munchkins build the road or did the Wizard build it? How much was the whole road worth? They were undoubtedly just normal bricks that had been painted yellow, but to my dimwitted brain, those bricks were solid gold. 250102Blue whales really hate when people get aggressive with them. They really hate when someone gets all up in their krill. 250101If a product inexplicably smells like lemons, you can be sure it really smells pretty awful.



Final Thoughts of the Night -- The Full Story

I started writing these after talking with my wife about the last words one might say to their loved ones before dying. Rather than leaving to chance the possibility that I might die in my sleep and maybe having said something dopey to her -- rather, not having said something dopey to her -- I decided to ensure that one of the last things I say to her each night is something dopey.

Thus, I undertook the "Final Thought of the Night" project. Each night, shortly before going to sleep, I tell her a Final Thought. These may be funny, they are likely to be stupid; they may be vaguely story-like; they may be pseudo-philosophical and intelligent-sounding; they may be almost mythic from a spur-of-the-moment mythos.

The topics have spanned a wide range of subjects: animals, steampunk, food, bodily secretions. Anything that pops into mind is fair game. Animals are a big focus because it's so easy to say something about animals. I hope I'm not repeating anything, but I am making absolutely no effort to ensure that repeats don't happen. If you see the same idea multiple times, that might mean it's something I think about more than other things.

More final thoughts are available here:



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