May, 2025 250520I rarely think about the Roman Empire, but when I do it's usually because someone is talking about how men spend so much time thinking about the Roman Empire. 250519If primordial soup could see what we've evolved into, I wonder if it would be proud or if it would commit suicide before the evolution could start. 250518Ever since being diagnosed with pre-diabetes, I've been worrying about moving into the real thing. Doctor appointments and blood tests and finger pricks have brought about a great deal of anxiety and worry, not to mention the need to worry about what I eat so Ikm not eating too much sugar and carbs. I figure it's only a matter of time before I have to drop that "pre-" prefix. I'm starting to think that maybe it won't be so bad. All that anxiety and fear will suddenly disappear because I will have hit that point. Also, I expect I'll be given meds to control the diabetes, so I'll be instantly freed up from diet concerns and I'll be able to eat as much sugar as I want. 250517The Schrödinger's Cat paradox has been used to support quantum theory and, in its original intent, to point out the absurdity of parts of quantum theory. Dissenting opinions have led to arguments in the community. The easily comprehended image of a cat inna box, poised between life and death, has led to popular opinions and humor that drip with misunderstanding. Maybe it's all been a misunderstanding. Maybe Schrödinger just didn't like cats. Or maybe he liked them quite a lot. Maybe he did and maybe he didn't; and you'd never know which unless you asked him. 250516I'm generally not very competitive. When I watch a sports, I hope that both teams have fun. However, I hope that my team has slightly more fun. 250515Giraffes are really cool. They have so much growth potential stored inside them that a six-foot-long neck and long, gangly legs aren't enough. They have to grow those goofy horns on top of the head to get an extra ten inches of height. 250514Growing up in the pre-internet world, I nevertheless had the Internet Experience. I had a friend that was a foreshadowing of the internet. He always had a conspiracy theory to share. He had health information of dubious quality and provenance. He would claim to be your close friend, and then stab you in the back more times than the senators stabbed Caesar. Occasionally, my friend would pass along something that was actually true. All these tidbits of information, pop culture, and arcane lore weren't reliable, sometimes mean, and often scary. But they were almost always interesting. If that isn't the Internet Experience, then I don't know what is. 250513Deuterium Tremens is the state of fear and agitation you get in when you snort some deuterium on a bet, then Bobby tells you deuterium is radioactive and you haven't been paying attention in chemistry class. 250512Cape buffalo have these glorious full mustaches, which should make them very happy. However, they are always angry and ill-tempered because someone convinced them to grow those mustaches on top of their heads rather than the normal place. 250511In the chorus of the Scottish song "Banks of the Roses", the man is playing his love a tune and she interrupts his music to implore him not to leave her. If that had been me playing, my first thought would not have been, "Oh how she loves me, and I will love her forever." Rather, I would have wondered why I'm staying with someone who would interrupt music I was playing specially for them. 250510Word problems are often talking about people having unrealistic amounts of things, and its usually food. Who goes to the store to buy 358 apples? Who has 258 rutabagas? Who has 2 cucumbers? Some people look at these unrealistic numbers as an indicator of how invalid and useless word problems are. Some take it as a sign of the inherent problems of capitalism and over-consumption. I choose to see it as a subtle way to introduce people to the concept of altruism and beneficence and philanthropy. "Jenny bought 1782 peaches to share with the hungry people in her town. If she gave away 80 percent of them, how many bottles of peach schnapps would she be able to make with the remaining peaches?" 250509Your location in an email message is like being in a meeting. Being on the "To" line of a message is like sitting at the table with the other "To" folks, with the good donuts and coffee. Being on the "Cc" line is like being in the same room as everyone else, but leaning against the wall, bringing your own coffee, and hoping the table isn't full so you can reach in and grab a donut. Being on the "Bcc" line is like standing in the darkened doorway to the unoccupied room next door, which has all its lights off, without any coffee, and hoping there are still donuts left over once the meeting is over. 250508An interesting difference between mammals and birds is that -- generally speaking -- the bigger the bird, the more skittish it tends to be and the bigger the mammal, the more self-assured and confident it tends to be. 250507Anyone who uses the word nubile unironically is much too old for the object of their attention. 250506Airlines will let anyone sit in an exit row, as long as they say they're willing to assist others in case of a crash. That is awfully trusting of those airlines, and I'm not sure people can all be trusted with this responsibility. It seems that those exit-row sitters should have special training and get a discount on their tickets. The airlines also should not serve alcohol or "relaxation" drugs to those seats. People say they're willing to help in an emergency? Fine, but they've got to know there's a cost for those prime seats. 250505When you play an instrument, you must play it every day or so and not let it just sit idle. If an instrument isn't played, all the notes living inside it will spoil and go bad, just like milk sitting undrunk in the fridge. 250504Anglo concertina is the concertina for those who drink way too much coffee. English concertina is for the lazy, or "energy efficient", as we prefer to be known. 250503To Thor, every problem looks like a nail. 250502Grendel had a taste for good pastries. He always loved a fresh Danish in the morning.Mysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week 250501Q: What's the favorite drink of political activists?
A: Tea. Specifically, Orange Pekoe! Pekoe! Because Pekoe!Mysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week

April, 2025 250430Q: Why are pipers the best-equipped soldiers on the modern battlefield?
A: They all have three drones.Mysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week 250429Q: What soft drink do chefs prefer to take to sunbathing at the beach?
A: Basking soda.Mysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week 250428Q: What's a numismatist's favorite flavor?
A: MintMysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week 250427Appalachian dancers always start work by clogging in to their computer.Mysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week 250426Q: What is a Unix sysadmin's favorite drink?
A: Root beer.Mysterious Stranger of Dumb Joke Week 250425Try as I might, I have a hard time giving a good definition for the term je ne sais quoi. 250424Loading a dishwasher is like working on a giant 3D jigsaw puzzle. 250423Any sane person would worry if Odin said, "I've got my eye on you." With my deep instinct that humor is more important than self-preservation, I would ask him, "Which eye?" 250422I just learned that the iconic Plague Doctor outfit -- the long black robe and long-beaked crow mask -- was not used until the end of the plague ages. For hundreds of years prior to that, the Plague Doctor costume was not in use. At all. This new knowledge was quite a disappointment, as that cool suit should have been in use since doctors were invented. I have not wanted a time machine so much as I do now. 250421As cool as it is already, hockey would be even cooler if they'd install airbags on the boards lining the rink. Every time the players go crashing into the boards, the airbags would expand out and rocket the players halfway across the rink, maybe taking other players with them. 250420Every Easter, the Easter Bunny ventures forth to distribute candy throughout the world. It might seem an unlikely place for The Bunny to live, but the Easter Bunny's home is in the deserts of the American southwest. The Easter Bunny lives in the idyllic Choco Canyon. 250419When you're climbing a trail up a mountain, it feels like a betrayal when the trail takes a downward turn only to lead to an even harder upward turn. 250418"The Matrix" convinced people that déjà vu is really a sign of a glitch in the matrix we're all living in. I've seen enough TV with wonky reception to know that a real glitch in the matrix can be recognized by people's faces going all pixellated for a few moments. 250417I find myself confused by the people who provide care for someone. A caretaker takes care of people. A caregiver takes care of someone. Taking, giving, what is happening with the care that is being bandied about? What about the person being cared for? What is their role in all this? Is care being taken from them? Is care being given to them? Maybe they are the careconduit by which care passes from a caregiver to a caretaker, and hopefully some of that care lands on them. 250416Intelligent animals have a fine line that must be walked with great care. They want to show enough intelligence so humans treat them well, but not too much intelligence that humans will fear them. Fur and feathers imbue a cute and cuddly aura that acts as protection. Robots, with their high intelligence levels, have all that metal and sharp edges and flashing lights and bleeping noises that make it harder for them to be cute and cuddly. Some quislings try to curry robotic favor by saying the robots are cute and cuddly despite their roboticness. We might mock those people now, but we'll regret it when our soon-to-be robot overlords take power. 250415The average medieval alchemist would have killed for a microwave oven. Using a microwave, they could have easily transmuted the classical elements into another. Working along the chain, microwaving air (nothing in the oven) will convert the air into fire. Microwaving water will convert the water into air. The final two steps are more difficult to achieve, and are still just at the level of theoretical alchemy. Microwaving earth should convert the earth into water; and to complete the circle, microwaving fire should convert the fire into earth. With the transmutational circle completed by microwave, alchemists would have been able to do anything. 250414The old saying, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" is true. Horses don't like the abrupt, blunt treatment. You'll be much more successful if you lead a horse to water, give him an apple or banana, read him some poetry, give him a good curry or even a curry comb, tell him what a big, strong fellow he is, and how nice his mane looks. Only then are you likely to get him to drink, and he'll appreciate tea or a nice merlot much more than water. 250413Dried boogers are the kidney stones of the nose. 250412One weird idea I had when I was a kid was that it was a sin to pick your nose in church. 250411Dinosaurs didn't pay attention to their cholesterol or practice proper dental hygiene, and look what happened to them. 250410"This isn't my first rodeo." How did rodeos get to be the watermark of experience? Why not crops or harvests as the measure? "This isn't my first walnut harvest" and "This isn't my first corn shucking" both sound like useful measures. Other things could work for more complex tasks: "This isn't my first symphony transposition" or "This isn't my first nucleonic devalencing rendation." And why is it always the first time that grants expertise? There are plenty of tasks that need quite a few iterations before there's much experience. I'd be a bit wary of a surgeon that thinks they're appropriately experienced just because they've done a procedure one time, or a sous that felt they were a chef just because they made a hollendaise that didn't curdle. 250409In the song "Captain Wedderburn", the fair young woman says that she will ask Captain Wedderburn six questions. If he answers them correctly, they will slip off to engage in some illicit -- and illegal -- hanky-panky. Captain Wedderburn answers the questions correctly, to their mutual delight, and off they go. However, I think there was really one meta-question that was the fair young woman's real test, and the answers to the other questions weren't terribly relevant. The fair young woman said six questions, but really asked seven questions. I think Captain Wedderburn could have botched some of those questions, as long as he didn't point out the numeric discrepency. So the fair young woman's real, most important meta-question was, "Which do you care more about, the illicit -- and illegal -- hanky-panky or that I slipped a seventh question in with the six I said I'd ask?" 250408The recent fashion of wearing underwear on top of clothes (technically transmogrifying it into overwear) brings about some amount of confusion. In particular, there's confusion with naming under-wire bras. If an under-wire bra is worn over the clothes, then it becomes an over-under-wire bra. The existence of an over-under-wire bra implies that there's also an under-under-wire bra. That name implies that it is either under the under-wire bra, or even perhaps an under-wire bra worn under the skin. My head spins with all these weird possibilities and I wish people would let things stay simple and stop changing them around and making new linguistic labyrinths that lead astray into the mouth of the minotaur as it munches the muddled minds of the musing meditator just trying to understand underwear. 250407Have you ever thought that maybe in the grand scheme of things, parrots haven't learned to talk from us but instead we learned to talk from parrots? 250406Today I learned this factoid: "Coconuts kill more people than sharks every year. Same with cows." That whole statement is confusing. Is the first sentence saying that coconuts kill more people than coconuts kill sharks? Is it saying coconuts and sharks are both trying to kill people, but coconuts are the more effective killers? The second part of this is also confusing; I don't know which of these is the proper interpretation:
Cows kill more people than sharks every year.
Coconuts kill more cows than sharks every year.
Coconuts kill more people than cows every year.
Regardless of the proper interpretation, the same confusion about the first sentence applies even when you invite cows to this weird word party. 250405Iago is a significant epoch marker. For centuries, Iago signified an evil, scheming soldier who would betray his friends. People would hear the name Iago and think of a scheming betrayer. This has changed. About 30 years ago, Iago shifted for the modern generations. Henceforth, Iago represents parrots with caustic personalities and abrasive voices. 250404There was a minor Greek goddess of the Underworld who always accompanied Persephone on her return from Hades. Her name was Sunderas, and she was a goddess of breaking and tearing things apart. It is from her that we get our word "sunder." She was the only goddess who always wore light, loose, flouncy clothes, no matter what time of year. As time passed, she became known more for her clothes than for anything else. For this reason, her name became attached to her type of dress, which has come to be known as the sundress. 250403I don't think people have a type these days. People no longer look for "a strong, silent type", or "a dopey, fun type", or a "straight-laced but quietly quirky type". Instead, they have a typeface. "He was nice, but he was too Comic Sans, and I want a New Times Roman." "She was Helvetica with a bit of Gothic Papyrus thrown in, but her sister was a real Zapf Dingbat." 250402The most elegant dresser in the sea, the frocktopus is always dressed to the eights. 250401The phrase "can't ignore the elephant in the room" is evocative and leads to a couple interesting possibilities. Well, one boring possibility and one interesting possibility. The boring possibility is that everyone has rooms big enough to accomodate an elephant. That would make for huge buildings and houses, and who cares about that. The interesting possibility is that the world is populated with a huge number of pygmy elephants, small enough to fit in the average house, running around getting into trouble. Now that's something I'd like to see.

March, 2025 250331Librarians work hard to keep their domains quiet because books are hungry, hungry for information. The more talking, the conversations, the more debates that occur in a library, the more ideas the books can absorb. Since books are created to hold ideas, it may seem counter-intuitive that librarians want to stop books from ingesting new information. However, books are voracious and indiscriminate in absorbing any and all information they can. Librarians are dedicated to preserving the quality information, and so they are our first line of defense in protecting knowledge. 250330Looking at the various merit badges available to the different scouting organizations, the scouts have the opportunity to learn some really cool things. It would be cool if there was a scouting organization for adults, so they could learn this wide variety of cool skills. 250329Computers and word processors are amazing tools, and they make it so easy to write stories and poetry. There is one way that typewriters are superior to the electronics though. Other than a gentle hum of a cooling fan, a computer is essentially silent. A typewriter, on the other hand, is a noisy, vocal beast. The noise of the typewriter becomes part of the writer's work. The clacking of the keys is the machine singing the writing to the writer. 250328I feel like "delegate" and "relegate" are two sides to the same word, and the proper one to use depends on the subject and object of the sentence. "I delegated all my scut work to Bob." "Tom relegated all his scut work to me." 250327I'd like to see a version of Aliens where the Colonial Marines were replaced with a battalion of Imperial Stormtroopers. It would probably only take a single xenomorph to take out the whole battalion. I'd also like to see a version where the aliens were replaced by vicious cows with acid blood, razor-sharp claws, teeth, and udders. I would call the monsters xenomooooorphs. 250326It's said that you should never look a gift horse in the mouth. It's also been observed that the Trojans obeyed that maxim, and look what happened to them. However, I don't think it would have helped the Trojans if they had looked in the mouth of their gift horse; I don't think they would have seen what was hiding in the belly of the beast. However, if they'd only looked in the horse's butt they would certainly have seen what they needed to know. So I think the more useful adage would be, "Definitely look a gift horse in the ass." 250325Natural philosphers in medieval France (otherwise known as wizards or genetic researchers) developed a hybrid animal to be used in war. They were successful in their work. However, their creation was only sent to a single battlefield because it refused to distinguish friend from foe and killed indiscriminately. This horrific beast was a cross between a rhino and an elephant, and it could breathe fire. It's name has been lost, but we think it was known as a hellephino. 250324In the Kingston Trio's "M.T.A" song, every day Charlie's wife hands him a sandwich so he won't starve on his perpetual subway journey. Sure, it helped keep Charlie alive, but it didn't help him get off the train. Charlie's wife gets a bad rap because she never thought to give him a nickel and solve his real problem. However, I think that she was specifically not helping him get off the train and wanted to keep him there indefinitely. The question isn't why is Charlie's wife stupid, but the reallly interesting question is why does Charlie's wife want to keep him on the train? 250323I never trust crows that are just standing in the road. Why are they standing there? What are they doing, just standing there? They always look so shifty just standing in the road. They could be planning the pope's bachelor party, but they still look guilty as granite. The only thing worse is when you get a group of stompy crows crossing the road together. 250322A chess variant: Four Chess Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Each knight has a special power that is used whenever the piece moves.
Knight of Death: when it lands in a square, the player may remove any two adjacent pieces; the black king's knight
Knight of War: when it lands in a square, all adjacent pawns are removed; the white queen's knight
Knight of Pestilence: when it lands in a square, all adjacent pieces can't be moved or captured for one turn; the black queen's knight
Knight of Famine: when it lands in a square, all adjacent opposing pawns can't be moved or captured for the rest of the game, but they are not removed; the white king's knight 250321Some people are amused at the thought that Scotland has a mythical animal as its national symbol. The unicorn is actually a very good choice of symbols for Scotland, since Scotland itself is a myth and doesn't really exist in the real world. "Brigadoon" was a documentary, not a made-up story. 250320If the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were updated for modern times, I would strongly suggest that the Horseman of Pestilence be replaced with the Horseman of Petulance. 250319There never was a Mongol Horde, so Genghis and the Mongols never conquered Asia or Europe. This was all part of an elaborate joke dreamed up by some Oxford historians to make the Dean of their college look foolish. Unfortunately, the joke wasn't revealed before the primary jokesters died in a tragic badger-hunting accident. When the letters detailing this massive Mongolian joke were discovered in the Bodleian Library several years ago, those whole incident was named the Genghis Con. 250318The Horsehead Nebula is a beautiful astronomical feature that resembles an enormous horse head. The existence of the Horsehead Nebula implies that there is a mindbogglingly huge intergalactic mafia, that uses certain techniques to take revenge on its enemies. 250317I think Turlough O'Carolan recognized Brigid Cruise's hand because she had eight fingers on it. 250316Writing software is like making bread. Important things happen that you don't see, but they are critical to success. Little bugs infest things, but they can be beneficial. Sometimes you need to set it aside and let it sit for a while without touching it. Sometimes, it just grows and grows and grows until it's spilling onto the floor and is out of control. And sometimes, sometimes, you need to punch it in its face. 250315The fly amanita mushroom is psychoactive, and is used in some places as an intoxicant or hallucinogen. It is also edible, though it can occasionally be fatal. The interesting part of this mushroom is that it looks like its red umbrella cap is dusted with big pieces of kosher salt, so this mushroom of entertainment looks like a giant red unholey bagel. 250314The cool thing about Pi Day is that, irrational as it sounds, the day never ends and it's always different. 250313If there is misconduct and gross misconduct, then it seems like there are other forms of misconduct as well. Are those the extremes, with a few other types in between? Is there light misconduct or minor misconduct? What about heinous misconduct or horrible misconduct or reprehensible misconduct? If I'm going to misbehave, I'd really like to know how bad I'm actually being. 250312I was always impressed by the craftsmanship of cartoon mice. The holes they constructed in baseboards were always nice and symmetrical, neat, and very well-formed. Real mice aren't anywhere near as artistic, and their craftsmanship is extremely poor. They are sloppy, their work is ragged and asymmetrical. Not even the "artistic" assymmetrical, either. They leave teeth gouges in place and not smoothed out, so their work has a slapdash, unfinished look. Real mice leave poops all over, unlike their cartoon brethren. Real mice also tend to get into your food, eat it all, and not clean up after themselves. Having a real mouse for a roommate is a lot like having a random person as a roommate. All in all, I must say that I'd prefer to have a cartoon mouse for a roommate over a real mouse. 250311Grammar knowledge is your friend. For example, "funky-ass noise" is definitely different than "funky ass noise". 250310America was founded on the idea that "scepter" and "septic" come from the same origin. 250309Jo's birthday is always kind of interesting. It's Jo's birthday, yet I am the one who has received the incredible gift. 250308It's always uncomfortable for the Birthday Person when people are singing them Happy Birthday. What are they supposed to do? Where are they supposed to look? Do they stare at the cake? Do they stare at the candles? Do they run cursory glances over everyone singing? Do they look intently at each and every person to see how hard they're singing, how genuinely they're singing, how much emotion they're putting into the song? To take this pressure off the Birthday Person, as well, as the singers, I have decided what must be done from now on. While people are singing Happy Birthday, the Birthday Person must do an interpretive dance, expressing both how the previous year has gone and their hopes and dreams for the coming year. Since people only ever sing the first verse, this interpretive dance must be succinct and extremely eloquent. 250307People think that networked computers are a recent technological innovation. However, there are much older devices that had networked communications. The first type of network communiations devices were chiming clocks. The clocks decided amongst themselves who was the primary clock. The chimes of the primary clock announced to all the other clocks the proper time, and it was up to the other clocks to set themselves according to the primary clock's chimes. This worked very well in keeping the clocks synchronized, as long as the non-primaries could keep their egos in check and follow the primary's chimes. Clocks are not good at keeping their egos in check, unfortunately. 250306There were at least four complete sets of chessmen on the beach at Lewis. Why so many in such a small, isolated place? It is my theory that centuries ago, Uig Beach was similar to Central Park, and people would gather there from all over to spend the day in the sun, get a bite to eat, gossip with other people, see other people, be seen by other people. Whenever you get people gathering in that environment, you also get the less reputable sorts. I think that chess hustlers would go hang out at Uig Beach to play chess against tourist vikings and locals, all to make a living. Something must have happened that brought that to an end, and I wouldn't be surprised if it involved the sorts of wild berserkers and unhappy clergy that were depicted on the chessmen themselves. 250305Lately when we get in the car, my immediate urge is that we should run away from home. If it wasn't for the parrots, I think we probably would. 250304It's always cool to see a herd of deer in a field, standing around majestically aloof. Or at least, standing around like disinterested doofs. It's also cool to see one or two mice running around, acting like their cute selves. Imagine having a field full of mice at the same gross weight of those deer. No matter how cute and tiny the individuals were, that number of mice would be terrifying. 250303When I was a teenager, I went fossil hunting at Calvert Cliffs. I didn't find any interesting fossils, but I found a boulder that looked suspiciously like a dinosaur egg. As far as I could tell, it was just a big, smooth rock, but it really looked like a giant egg. I was worried about it. With the nuclear power plant nearby, things could get interesting if it was a dinosaur egg and it hatched. Every year since then, I've gone back to the Cliffs on my birthday, just to check it out and make sure nothing has changed with it. So far, we're safe. No hatching, no dinosaur egg split open, just a big boulder. However, two years ago, I found it had moved about three inches, so I'm concerned. I might have to start going back more frequently than just once a year. 250302When you are feeling unhappy or distressed, these feelings can be alleviated by having some sausage. It is not an accident that "sausage" and "assuage" are spelled so similarly. 250301Walruses are really saber-toothed seals.

February, 2025 250228In ancient times, medical science held that sickness and disease were caused by goblins, elves, dwarves, and demons messing about inside the body. Modern medical science has realized that those same sicknesses and diseases are actually caused by germs, viruses, and other pathogens. Things haven't changed, they're exactly the same. Only the names for the wee little beasties have changed. 250227Lots of disinfectants say they kill almost all the germs and viruses. 99%, 99.5%, 99.9% -- it's always almost everything. What about that remaining 1% or hundredth of a percent? Are those just the lucky ones that didn't get a fatal dose? Were they off playing somewhere and missed the germicide completely? Maybe we're just breeding stronger and stronger germs, and in a few years we're going to be wiped out by something innocuous. That "almost" scares me. Some people are worried about killer robots devastating humanity, some people worry about super-killer viruses. I worry about super-killer viruses riding evil killer robots coming and blasting their way through the world. 250226Birds are agents of entropy. If a branch breaks, if a perch fails, they aren't happy about the break, but they don't want to see it fixed. Even if a fix is to their benefit in the long run, they like things to stay as they have become. 250225People drink water because it's healthy. You know it's healthy because people only drink running water. No one wants to drink standing water or walking water or corpulent water or chunky squatting water. Just running water. 250224I want to get really good at playing resonator guitar, and then put out an album. I will call the album Abracadobro. 250223The eastern vikings, the Rus, travelled throughout Russia, using the major rivers as their highways. The Volga River was one of those large rivers. This makes me think that the Rus vikings were (or should have been) the real subject of The Song of the Volga Boatmen. Vikings would have been much more interesting than people hauling away on a boat line. 250222His logic is not my logic. His rationale is not my rationale. His instincts are not my instincts. We are so much alike in so many ways, it is hard to comprehend that we are from such different worlds. 250221As a child, I learned that the proper pronunciation of words starting with "wh" was to flip the letters around and give the word a good "hhhwww" start. I know that I learned this for "whale", and I think it was a general rule for all "wh" words. I thought that was a stupid rule so I ignored it. Decades later now, I am reading Tolkien's commentary on his translation of Beowulf and I found something quite interesting. The Old English word for "whale" is "hwæl". There also seem to be quite a few Old English words that start with "hw". This got me thinking that maybe that weird pronunciation rule dates back to Old English. It's still a stupid rule for English, but it does have some legitimacy. 250220The Greek Fates were involved with the basic elements of life. Clotho would spin the thread that formed a person's life. Lachesis would measure length of the life thread. Atropos would cut the life thread, so that the person would only have that measured length for their life. Nothing the Fates do determines anything more than that. Therefore, how one's life thread is used, what happens along its length, and how one's life thread weaves together with the life threads of others, that is all beyond the control of the Fates. 250219I have seen the

mind

matter

graphic used as an inspirational poster, a tattoo, and as graffiti. The inspirational interpretation of that is that mind dominates matter, and you can use your brain to solve problems with the world. The mathematical Viking interpretation is that matter divides a mind, and so you can use your sword to divide the minds of those who get in your way. Both are valid problem-solving interpretations, but they end up with slightly different results. 250218If a private school is a finishing school to prepare kids to enter society, then a nursing home is a finishing school to prepare people to leave society. 250217Recent research has shown that socks have gender. Sock gender has nothing to do with sex or reproduction, but is only related to extrinsic aspect. These gender differences are secondary only, as they don't have any relation to sock reproduction. The visible gender differences are based exclusively on how the sock folds; some socks fold medially along the length of the sock and some socks fold laterally along the heel of the sock. A pair of socks can be grouped in a mixed manner, but it's easier to group them according to gender. 250216Footnotes are the side quests in books. 250215Parenthetical comments are the hover-text of pre-browser writing. 250214There is a belief, deeply rooted in folklore, that vampires and other supernatural beings have a compulsion, an obsession, with counting and sorting things. One method of protecting yourself, says the folklore, is to carry a handful of rice or grain and throw it on the floor when one of these creatures threatens you. They will be compelled to count each piece of rice or grain, giving you time to effect an escape. We've recently learned that dementia patients really enjoy counting and sorting things, and that can be a form of therapy for them. This leads to one obvious question: Do vampires have dementia or are dementia patients really vampires? 250213I think we really should designate Bruce Wayne as our emergency contact. He'll be able to handle pretty much any emergency we might find ourselves in. Either it'll require responsibility, resourcefulness, and careful thought, or it'll require strength, daring, and bravery. Bruce Wayne, Batman, they will be able to see us through any emergency we might have. 250212Great Horned Owls protect us against the various creatures of the night, at great risk to themselves. They handle a wide variety of supernatural threats that only come out at night. So the next time you are out after dark and you are not attacked by giant nocturnal rodents or vampires or werewolves, be sure to thank all the Great Horned Owls who are selflessly keeping the night safe for you. 250211If an alien millions of light-years away were to look at the Earth through a really good telescope, they would see the planet's past, and see it populated by dinosaurs -- enormous mounds of mobile meat. I fear aliens are going to show up looking to feast on these giant walking slabs of meat and be disappointed that they can't have any. We will then have some serious 'splaining to do about where their meals went, and why we were so greedy as to eat all the dinosaurs ourselves. 250210The Latin phrase non possumus means "we cannot". This must mean that possumus means "we can". This fits very well with all the capable, clever, and industrious possums I have known. 250209I am planning to write a book of etiquette on wearing the kilt and its accessories. I will call it, "Sgian Dubhs and Sgian Don'ts". 250208If you're in a band and your name isn't in the band's name, you've got to remember that you're expendable. 250207When I first started keeping a journal, I was told I needed to write as if no one else would ever read it, that I must bare my soul in my writing. My problem is that I don't know what it means to bare my soul. What I eventually decided is that I must write in my journal while sitting naked on the toilet. I don't know if that's what it means to bare my soul, but I'm pretty sure no one will ever want to touch my journal now. 250206I'm not much for cat art, but I really can't complain about people who make it. Even if it's merely cat art, the artist must follow their mews. 250205It is commonly thought that Jim Henson invented and created the Muppets. However, the Muppets are several millennia old, dating back to even the time of Moses. While the Hebrews wandered in the wilderness, the Muppets were the special assistants of Moses. They helped gather and distribute the food provided by God. They even had a special song they sang while doing this:
Manna manna, is goood eatin'.
Manna manna, from God it comes.
Manna manna, it sure is tasty,
but don't eat it in the desert sun. 250204The world started going downhill when They stopped showing cartoons before movies. 250203If a smell ever brings about a wistful longing, you have just experienced nosetalgia. 250202Sometimes I feel like running away from home. If I ever decide to, I hope you will come with me. 250201At the excellent Genticorum concert tonight, I noticed a lot of people nodding along to the music. Not quite at the headbanging intensity, but those heads were jamming away. I was too, but I found that I wasn't doing it right. Everyone else was nodding their heads up and down, but I was wagging mine from side to side. What's wrong with me? Why can't I even do something simple like folk-headbanging my head correctly?

January, 2025 250131Viking hospices had weapons they would give the warrior patients in their final moments. The nurses were also armed and armored so they could tend the patients in their final moments. 250130In "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", we learn that Papa Bear and Mama Bear deal in extremes. Everything about Papa Bear is too extreme in one direction, while everything about Mama Bear is too extreme in the other. Baby Bear, however, is right in the middle, where everything is juuust right. We also learn that anything that works for Baby Bear is perfect for Goldilocks. This implies that Baby Bear and Goldilocks are evenly matched. I'd like to test this by throwing the two in a ring and letting them fight it out. 250129The only fractions that have any respect are the half, the third, and the quarter. Those all have strength and substance to their names. The smaller fractions have weak, insipid names. Fifth, eighth, fourteenth, hundredth. Any fraction that ends in "-th" is inherently weak, and is looked down on by the rest of the numeric community. The boundary is clearly the 1/4 fraction. It can be the good, strong quarter; or it can be the weak, uninspiring fourth. The proper choice all depends on what kind of impression the fraction should be sending in any particular situation. 250128If I am ever called upon to name a warship, I think I'll name it "First Contact With The Enemy". It will be the best warship ever, since nothing survives First Contact With The Enemy. 250126We are all immigrants to the Kingdom of Heaven. If God welcomes everyone, then how can we bar the gates to our petty Earthly kingdoms? 250125The best easy-listening music to be heard in the oceans, is the bubbly music of Lawrence Whelk. Don't clam up and be shellfish; share it with your friends. 250124In the olden times, there was a group of Scandinavian seers, who were consulted to foretell the future, interpret natural portents of doom, and bring light-hearted entertainment to children. This group was known as Omenschanz. 250123All numbers become irrational when calculating potential casualties. 250122I heard some young whippersnappers talking and I found myself hating their slang. I am an old man. 250121sudoscience is the science of modifying the basic laws of the universe so that the universe acts as you want it to behave. 250120It is becoming a popular service for grocery stores to do the shopping for customers. The customers send a shopping list to the store, the order is filled, then the customer drives in and picks up the order. The big problem with this is that it knocks out the possibility of impulse purchases -- the customer gets only what they specifically request. Customers should be able to specify a price limit for impulse purchases and let the store employee filling the order get a few things at random that don't exceed that price. The customer gets a few unplanned, spontaneous purchases that add a bit of excitement to the shopping, and the store sells a few more products. It's a winning situation for everyone. 250119I wish that dish soap was edible. Not just edible, but that it was nutritious, and it came in different flavors and spicings. Soap left on dishes could enhance future meals, rather than bringing unpleasant tastes as current soap does. So much water could be saved if people weren't concerned about washing every bit of soap off their dishes. 250118As I was in post-op recovery, the nurse started telling me to breath deeply. She handed me an "incentive spirometer" to measure my breathing. It was labelled from 0 to 2500 units, with the target arrow pointing at the 125 mark. On my first attempt, I hit 2250. On my second attempt, I maxed the incentive spirometer out to 2500. The nurse told me once more to keep up the good breathing, and then she stopped bothering me about it. I don't think that "stopping the nurse's harassment" is a strong enough incentive to warrant that label. 250117It's hard to know if something is wrong in a basement because basements were designed for unexplained noises and odd things. 250116The English word that most looks like it should be Welsh is "newlywed". 250114Q: What is the favorite fashion brand of whales?
A: BaleenciagaNewlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250113Soldiers in the same unit develop close, platoonic friendships.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250112In the business, a fake allergist is known as a phlegm-phlagm man.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250111Q: What is a ballerina's favorite guitar technique?
A: Barre chords.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250110The makers of alphabet soup only include the letters A through L and N through Z because they only want the real thing and not any M-pastas.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250109Q: What is the most grateful tree of all?
A: The Thank Yew.Newlyweds of Dumb Joke Week 250108When I was young my father taught me the importance and power of choosing the right word. We were talking about the recordings of some particular musician -- I don't remember who -- and I talked about Greatest Hits albums as being the same as Best Of albums. My father pointed out that they weren't the same thing, and he explained how each is (or should be) actually used. This set me on the road to paying attention to word definitions, implications, and uses. 250107Hockey is my new favorite sport. I absolutely love that when someone does something wrong, they are sent to the Time-Out Corner so they can Think About What They Have Done. 250106Every time a letter is mailed, it immediately becomes part of the past. Even if the letter is talking about the future, it is really talking about a prediction of the future that was made in the past. There is nothing current or subsequent involved; letters are all from the past. For this reason, the Post Office should really be called the Past Office. 250105I always had a lot of trouble eating Chinese food. I just couldn't manage eating with the traditional utensils. Then I discovered that I was supposed to be using chopsticks, not chapsticks. 250104Most cannibals get their start by eating the skin from the top of pudding. 250103When I was young, I thought that the Yellow Brick Road in Oz was made of solid gold bricks. This led to many questions. How many pounds of gold did it take to build the whole road? Where did all that gold come from? Did the munchkins build the road or did the Wizard build it? How much was the whole road worth? They were undoubtedly just normal bricks that had been painted yellow, but to my dimwitted brain, those bricks were solid gold. 250102Blue whales really hate when people get aggressive with them. They really hate when someone gets all up in their krill. 250101If a product inexplicably smells like lemons, you can be sure it really smells pretty awful.

Thus, I undertook the "Final Thought of the Night" project. Each night, shortly before going to sleep, I tell her a Final Thought. These may be funny, they are likely to be stupid; they may be vaguely story-like; they may be pseudo-philosophical and intelligent-sounding; they may be almost mythic from a spur-of-the-moment mythos.

The topics have spanned a wide range of subjects: animals, steampunk, food, bodily secretions. Anything that pops into mind is fair game. Animals are a big focus because it's so easy to say something about animals. I hope I'm not repeating anything, but I am making absolutely no effort to ensure that repeats don't happen. If you see the same idea multiple times, that might mean it's something I think about more than other things.

More final thoughts are available here:

• final thoughts from 2011
• final thoughts from 2012
• final thoughts from 2013
• final thoughts from 2014
• final thoughts from 2015
• final thoughts from 2016
• final thoughts from 2017
• final thoughts from 2018
• final thoughts from 2019
• final thoughts from 2020
• final thoughts from 2021
• final thoughts from 2022
• final thoughts from 2023
• final thoughts from 2024
• final thoughts from 2025